Finding Peace in the Uncertainty

This post is part of The Peony Project’s monthly linkup.

One of the more consistent things in life, I’ve found, is that life is usually in a constant stay of chaos and uncertainty. Perhaps that’s just me and my life, but I’d imagine that this would ring true for a few others as well. For me, there’s the hustle and bustle of juggling work life with school life and somehow trying to fit in my sometimes nonexistent personal life into the mix. If you were to ask me when and where I feel the most peace, I may try very hard not to laugh out loud. Life is stressful and overwhelming, but it’s also something that I truly enjoy…even if I forget to show it sometimes.

So let’s go through a checklist, shall we?

I have a good job as a Pre-K teacher. Sure, it’s a little thankless at times and working with special needs children brings its own unique dynamics to the workplace, but I am still blessed to have employment in this day and age and with kids, which I do love. Check.

I am enrolled in graduate school online through a great university (Go Gators!) and I am pursuing a master’s degree in a field that I am truly passionate about – Mass Communication with a specialization in Social Media. I have always said that I didn’t just want to stop with a Bachelor’s degree and that I wanted to pursue a higher degree and I do feel very blessed to have the opportunity and financial means to do this so soon after graduating with my Bachelor’s degree (in completely unrelated field). Check.

I have an amazing new church home and growing church family to begin doing life with. In the year and a half following my return home after graduating in Spring 2013, I really struggled with not having a circle of close friends within driving distance anymore. My closest friends all lived almost two hours from Charlotte or out-of-state and at the time, I was working both a full-time job as a teacher and a part-time job in retail, consistently working seven days a week, with little time for socializing with folks my own age, much less enriching myself with church each week. Discovering my new church home and finding a small group full of amazing and faith-filled women has done wonders for my heart and soul already just in the almost five months that I’ve been going there. Check.

God has clearly blessed my life with amazing people, experiences, and opportunities…so why do I struggle so much with being at peace with where I am in life?

Quite simply, I am a planner. I tote my beloved Erin Condren Life Planner almost everywhere I go, and I’ve always been the type of person to try and plan/map out every detail of a trip, right down to utilizing Google Street View to get a better idea of where we’re going. Only problem with these kind of tendencies? I consistently find myself looking forward to the future, rather than taking the time to slow down and appreciate where God has me right now.

Right now, I am teaching and slowly but surely working towards that graduate degree that will pave the way for a career change in 2-3 years (see, planner…). This would probably be a bit easier to deal with and work towards if I hadn’t been dealt with quite the challenging first two years of teaching. On my worst days at work, the yearning and longing that I feel for time to speed up so that I can be in any other career is overwhelming. And admittedly I do feel a little ashamed and guilty for admitting that to all of you right now. But it’s the truth. But I am not ready for that career change just yet, no matter how often I yearn for it. Something that is approaching in the more immediate future is the possibility of me changing schools and school districts for the upcoming 2015-2016 school year. I have enjoyed the school where I currently teach very much. I have learned so much amidst the stress and challenging behavior of my kiddos and I have been blessed with the sweetest woman as my assistant and spiritual mentor. While I do feel like it’s time for me to look at other options closer to home (I currently commute 40 minutes, one way), the uncertainty of reentering the job search is nerve-wracking.

As I sat down to reflect on this topic and area of my life ahead of writing this post, the obvious answer for achieving peace and contentment with my current life stage is God. Loving and trusting in Him to continue to provide for me and make clear to me the path or paths that will allow me to learn and grow in the ways that will continue to enable to me to glorify Him in everything that I do. I wasn’t raised with the practice of memorizing scripture, but it is something that I have been working on lately. Two of my favorite verses that I have come across recently and kept close by are from both Matthew and Philippians.

Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Philippians 4:6-7 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

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