Messy Milestones

He Walks Before

Happy New Year, everyone!

There has been a plethora of 2016 recap posts and 2017 resolutions posts in the blogging world this past week, it’s come to be expected at this time of year.

2016 was an interesting year.

The year began with the losses dear family members, my paternal grandmother and our sweet Nellie in January. The New Year was a ending of sorts on a chapter of my life in which the Lord rescued me, guided me, and restored me. In the time between December 2013 to January 2016, the Lord called six of my family members home to Him. He called me to step out and make a way for myself in the church and led me to a new church home. He tested my faith through the students in my classroom, through the disease that my dad carries in his body, and through calling two of my closest relatives – my maternal grandmother and my Aunt Shelia – home to Him just 39 hours apart from each other.

Though this season came to a close in January 2016, I spent the remainder of the year wrestling in many ways with my next steps. My life had been changed, that much I knew. As I stood in the midst of a world that was falling apart around me, I knew I had experienced the amazing and unbelievable peace that could only come from the presence of Christ Jesus. The barriers that I had around my heart had come tumbling down and I was finally able to feel Him more fully and more profoundly than ever before in my life. I knew how to worship Him and sing His praises in that season because I had just seen firsthand what leaning into Him could look and feel like in the midst of turmoil. But once the dust had settled? Where I did I go from there?Read More »

Let Them Come

“Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.” – Matthew 19:13-15, NIV

These days, it’s hard to turn on the TV and see the images that are plastered all over the news. Just recently with the horrific attacks in Berlin and in Turkey, but also with the suffering that is impossible to comprehend in Syria. I feel a measurable amount of guilt and heartache that I’m only now paying attention to this crisis and realizing the magnitude of the devastation when this is something that the people of Aleppo have been enduring for years. It’s hard to see the current state of affairs in our own government and country as anything but trivial when you place them side by side with the violence and massacres in this part of the world.

The truth of the matter is that we, all of us, are God’s people and created by Him no matter where we live. Would Jesus turn his head and not be moved by what is happening in Syria? He wouldn’t, and he hasn’t. I hope you join in prayer for the people of Aleppo and if you feel led, give to organizations that are working to support and help the people there. Here is a helpful article that shares some ways to help, if you feel led. This Christmas season, at its core, is a time of reflection and celebration of the birth of King who came to redeem us all. He came to draw near to us and to save us all from our transgressions by taking our place on the cross, dying the death that was meant for us. It’s a poignant reminder, as we see these atrocities around the world, that God hurts with His children. He weeps when we weep.

Change // I Will Follow

Change is hard.

I know, you’re probably like, Hey Ashley, way to state the obvious there.

There’s good change, of course, and there’s also bad changes. There’s also change that you’re just not quite sure how to feel about.

I find myself in that camp more often than not.

#allthefeels.

When it comes to spiritual change, also known as spiritual growth, that’s one that is particularly difficult to process. Spiritual growth makes you finally stop and look at that reflection in the mirror and take a long hard look at your life and your relationship with God. It forces you to celebrate the areas where you have grown and acknowledge the areas where you are still in desperate need of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Lately, I have been feeling a little bit stagnant within my church community and have been wrestling with a lot of feelings about it. I’ve been attending this church for just over two years and God definitely brought me to that place at the perfect time.Read More »

Identity Crisis

I want this space to be a place of joy. A place for encouragement and dare I hope, a little inspiration.

Writing brings me joy. It centers me in ways that I never expected and lets me process all the things that my mind tends to jumble up into one giant, well, mess. I only wish that I had realized this penchant for writing words sooner.

I’ve rebelled for so long against the idea of sharing anything overly personal on this blog for awhile now and I don’t even know if it was a conscious decision. Sure, I’ve shared of the grief that I experienced in Fall of 2015 when I lost my grandmother and my aunt but not much else. This blog was quickly turning into a blog that was centered around grief and loss and I had skipped right on over the “getting to know you” stuff. If you scroll back through my archives, it’s almost laughable at how random and sporadic my posts were.

When I was in the midst of that season of loss, I can’t tell you how many moments of joy and gratitude there were between me and God. It was truly beautiful. So many of the promises that He made in Scripture were being played out in my life and for the first time, I felt true joy in the Lord and in His amazing strength. I was so overcome that I wanted to write about it. I wanted to share that with others but I began to try and do that in glossy, picture-perfect ways. I wanted my blog to look like so many of the other blogs out there and share things the way that so many others did. But in doing that, I skipped over one of the most important parts.

The journey.Read More »

Looking for Clarity

I don’t know that I really know how to write for this blog anymore.

I thought that I did for the better part of the past year, but here I find myself again. Consistently struggling to find the words to write for this space so that it doesn’t just become another idle corner of the internet.

When I initially entered the “blogging world”, I wrote about my favorite books, movies, and TV shows and I learned what I know about social media and writing on the internet from contributing and running fansites. But as time went on, I came to see that I wasn’t necessarily being sustained or fulfilled by doing all of that. I created this particular blog as an “escape” from the pop culture world and thought I’d just keep it as an online journal of sorts. But my posts were few and far between and I came close to deleting the site on many occasions. Later in 2014, when God really began to change my heart and my life, I realized that this outlet could be a good outlet for my walk with Christ and for sharing the things that God brings into my life and used to teach me.

My life at that time was going through some major changes. From late 2013 to January 2016, it felt as though my life was experiencing earthquake after earthquake. Each family member that we lost shook things up, crumbling away the misguided and detrimental parts of my life so that God could refine and reshape what was left standing. Each wave of grief was like an aftershock, molding things even further.Read More »