And suddenly there were just four days left. Four days until I fill my car one last time and make the drive from Charlotte to Raleigh. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I had no idea what this Fall was going to hold and I thought that I would be packing a car bound for Illinois and grad school?
I’ve been laughing to/at myself for weeks thinking about how much of a wreck I would be if that was actually the path that God decided to keep me on. The amount of feelings and anxiety I’ve had about just simply moving 2.5 hours away? I can’t even imagine what that’d be like if I were moving 12 hours away. You’d find me rocking in a corner somewhere. But even that, like so much in these past few weeks/months, is something to rejoice in. Even though I felt so strongly just six months ago that my path was going to take me to Illinois, I love and serve a God who protected my heart through rejections and lovingly led me to this current path to Raleigh which was an answered prayer just two-ish years “late.” I used to pray and yearn for a way to make the Raleigh area my home just a couple of years ago and clearly, God’s plans were to make a way for me there much later than what I thought. Thank goodness for timing and plans that are not my own. I can’t help but believe that He knew that my heart just wasn’t ready for that massive of a change. He knew how much it would take for me to pick up and move 2.5 hours away. It’s been a recurring theme throughout my story and my walk with Him – He is constantly guiding me but hemming me in with His perfect peace and protection.
This past Wednesday was my last week with my small group and although I handled that day relatively well – I had some intense feelings about it leading up to it for sure. I’m not that much of an (outwardly) emotional person and yet I found myself breaking down a handful of times at the mere thought of leaving this incredible community I’d found after years of searching. But there is peace in knowing that though I may have only been called to this church/community for a season, He placed me into a family of friends that will be sustained for much longer.
As my time here in the Charlotte area winds down, I find myself looking forward to the creation and cultivating of new rhythms and routines in Raleigh. Carving out time to ease back into yoga, go for walks, maybe even finding a gym. But also planning out morning and evening routines that are fulfilling, not draining. My new work schedule will allow me to sleep in an extra 2-ish hours compared to my schedule at my old school so I am excited to see how that might allow me some extra time in the morning to ease into the day. Also, setting aside time to be intentional with meal planning/meal prep in a way that allows me to nourish my body the way it needs.
And lastly in this post of random thoughts, the song “Who You Say I Am” from Hillsong Worship has definitely become a sort of “anthem” these past few days/weeks. It has been the perfect reminder and declaration in this transitional season that God is for me, with me, and that I am exactly who God says I am – not what my own doubts and fears try to tell me I am.
Raleigh, I’ll see you soon.